Let’s talk about the games we play in life.
From when we are babies we interpret the world as games. Pick-a-boo teaches us about the permanence of matter, we learn to interact and share with others through games, and we play ever more complex “games” into adulthood.
These games become so sophisticated that we often stop seeing them as games.
And that’s why remembering to see these games is one of the most useful ways you can look at the world. It can help you interpret and make sense of life.
That doesn’t mean that life IS a game, but seeing it that way can help you to break out of patterns that are diminishing you and robbing you of the life that is available to you.
So what are some of these games that people play?
There’s the Career game. Reaching the top of that corporate ladder.
The relationship or love game. Finding a lifelong partner.
The family game. Having children and helping them develop.
The get rich game. The status game. The health game. The inner peace game – that’s a hard one.
People want to win at these types of games. Until you see them as games you may not have even realised that you were playing them. You may have inherited some of these games from your family and up bringing. You can also start playing games because of culture, the get-famous-game is very popular at the moment, or even your circumstances can trigger games.
Playing most of these games is not inherently bad. As a matter of fact many are really good games to play. Culture has evolved over time to select the games that work for most people. But being aware of the games helps you to consciously and actively choose which ones you want to play. Think about these games for example:
The play it safe game. Where you avoid risk.
The rescue someone game. Where you try to “fix” someone.
The pretend game. The beating the Joneses game. The everything is a competition game. The chasing happiness Game. The people pleasing game. The “I’ll show them” or “I’ll make the pay” game.
What games are you playing?
Did you choose the games you’re playing or were they chosen for you?
When will you win your games? How will you know you’ve won?
What strategies are you using in these games? Are they congruent with how you want to live your life?
It’s useful to ask yourself these questions because there’s a fundamental truth that you have to be aware of. If you do not choose Games you want to play, the games will be chosen for you.
And once you start noticing the games you’re playing games, questions may start to arise. Are you trying to win a game that you didn’t choose?
Maybe you’re chasing promotions and climbing the corporate ladder when what your heart wants is to raise a loving family. Maybe your cultural upbringing says that your only roll is to be a mother when you’ve got a creative passion that you’d love to express.
Maybe you’re playing games that your emotions chose for you. Maybe fear is keeping are you playing the play it safe game with you avoid risks. Maybe Shame is keeping you playing that don’t stick out game. Don’t stand out.
Choosing the games that you want to play help you make decisions in life that are congruent with where you want to go.
Years ago when we were exploring what games we wanted to play, we chose three games that were important to us:
- The adventure game. It was important to the two of us to share adventures. When you play the adventures game, trials are just part of the adventure.
- We also play the freedom game. Whenever we make decisions we’re vey concious about how they might add or remove freedom from us.
- And lastly we play the peace game. Regardless of money, of opportunity, of benefits, if it will take away peace from us, we do not take part in the activity.
So how do you choose the games you want to play?
Like I said many of these games evolved over thousands and thousands of years and they work to bring you fulfilment. Many are connected to your biology. So we’re not advocating sudden radical changes across all the games you play – that would be like an animal having a ton of mutations at the same time, the chances of that working out well are slim.
But we are advocating to think about the games you really want to play and to identify games that are not serving you. Here’s how you can do that:
- Do an audit of the games you’re playing. Thinking about the recurring themes in your life is a test place to start recognising the games your playing.
- Ask yourself what are you trying to win? What does winning that game look like?
- Think about which games are your priorities at this stage of your life.
- Think about the strategies you’re using for your games.
- Think about what games you want to stop completely.
Once you’ve done this you might find that there are some games you no longer want to play, you might change the priorities of some other games, and lastly you may change the way you play some of those games.
Either way choose and remind yourself of your choices when you are tempted to play the games you don’t want.
